Tears, Tantrums, and Tornadoes

My 16 month-old beautiful baby girl has become a full-fledged toddler. I'm talking tears, tantrums, and tornadoes in the Clevenger household! If we don't let her have something (e.g. our cell phones, the camera, scissors, poisonous berries), she'll stomp her feet and cry. If we don't let her do something (e.g. stand and jump on the sofa, type on our expensive Mac keyboard, climb in the dryer, chew on crayons), she'll flail her small body on the floor (in true dramatic fashion) and weep. Her face crumbles, eyes closed and mouth opened wide in a turned-down frown, and there is a few-second pause of silence before -- wait for it -- SCREEEEAM!!! We hold her, rub her back, tell her it's okay to be angry (hey, I'm a psychologist -- we gotta name and validate her feelings), hold firm to our rules, and wait for the storm to pass. The poor girl, like all toddlers, doesn't know how to express her anger appropriately. Do most adults? Thus comes the hitting. I have no idea what to do about that -- especially when it's directed at us. So far, we just catch her arm in its mid-air striking pose, and tell her, "It's okay for Abby to be mad, but not okay to hit. Gentle touching only..." I want to give her some kind of alternate, safe way of expressing her anger. But she's 16 months. Telling her to take deep breaths and count to 10 isn't exactly realistic at this point...   Any ideas out there from parents?

Don't get me wrong; witnessing Abby's strong-willed, spirited personality bloom has been one of the most amazing things about being her mother. I'd rather have a strong-willed child than a weak one! But it has also been one of the most challenging. Seeing as I'm not the most patient person in the world, this tantrum toddler phase is truly a test. In fact, there are times when I want to throw a tantrum, dang-it!!! Some days, her frustration tolerance is particularly low -- and so is mine. I think, "Wouldn't it be nice if I can stop being a "model" for my child and stomp my feet too? I would like to throw myself to the ground and scream for not getting my way!" Think about it. Don't you fantasize about throwing tantrums yourself? It seems wonderfully cathartic. But alas, Abby is allowed to be like this because it's developmentally normal and appropriate. But for a 30 year-old woman? Nope. It would seem immature, selfish, and just plain crazy. But I can't help thinking how good it would feel -- just to let my emotions be open and raw, in its purest "in-the-moment" form, just like a toddler...

And then I slap myself back into reality.
Deep breaths, Jeanne. Count to 10. Deep, deep breaths...