The Art of the Nap

If you are a parent, you know that there is a special art to napping. It involves several factors:

• Optimal time of day -- no earlier and no later, or else it screws with the rest of the day's schedule and bedtime
• Routine -- a special pre-nap routine that sets the tone for a good nap. Here's where you can get creative. For example, Abby needs to say goodnight to every stuffed animal and have me sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" before placing her in the crib. These are her conditioned stimuli to the conditioned response of sleep!
• Environmental needs: Things like a dark room, no crazy outside noise (like leaf blowers, construction, kids yelling outside), etc. Abby uses a white noise machine to block out the sounds of the city (ocean waves are her favorite!)

If you're not a parent, you're probably wondering why I described napping as an "art," rather than a "science." This is because no matter how great your formula is (time of day + routine + environmental perfection), some other X factor gets in the way. It could be your child's mood, your mood, teething, illness, activity from earlier in the day, hunger, or whatever. You have to navigate these X factors and somehow finesse them so that you still achieve the end goal: a good nap. Because we all know what happens if a good nap is not achieved: TODDLER TERROR!!! So believe me when I tell you that developing this art is crucial to a happy home.

For me, one of the worst X factors is driving in the car around nap-time. This can often lead to a no-nap day. And excuse my tone, but I HATE NO-NAP DAYS!!!!  The 2 hours of peace and quiet I get each day are vital to my health. If I'm deprived of this, I go absolutely nuts and turn into a crazy person. Seriously. I. want. to. pull. my. hair. out. 

Here's the scenario of a typical No-Nap Day, like today:

1:00 p.m.
We've been out most of the morning and are driving home around Abby's nap-time. Abby is starting to nod off in her car seat and I do everything I can to keep her awake. Why? Because literally, if she falls asleep for more than 5 minutes in the car and I transition her into our home, she'll wake up and her body resets, thinking, "Wow, what a great 10 minute nap! I'm so rested! I won't need another one of those the rest of the day!" (Which is, of course, completely untrue when in comes the Toddler Terror around 4 p.m.). However, if she falls asleep for less than 5 minutes, then for some reason the transition is easier and I can dump her in her crib, still fast asleep.

Ok, back to keeping Abby awake in the car to prevent this >5 or <5 minute scenario...
I roll down the windows on the freeway. I turn the volume up on Kiss FM waaaaay loud. I throw unhealthy snacks at her to munch on, like fries or cookies. I do major unsafe driving and reach behind my seat to shake her little legs. Nothing works. The heaviness in her eyes sets in and it's all over.

She's asleep.

And we are more than 5 minutes away from home! Oh sh*t!!!

1:15 p.m.
I carefully try to transition her out of her car seat, into my arms, into the apartment door, up the stairs, and into her crib. FAIL. She wakes up. I decide to put her in anyway, just to see....  I go downstairs, hear nothing on the monitor and naively think, "Yes! She's fallen back asleep and I can now eat and rest!"

1:25 p.m.
I hear babbling through the monitor.

I wait a few minutes and it's clear she's not falling back sleep. I go in, and she's hungry. Oh yeah, she didn't eat a "formal" lunch, just snacks. So we go downstairs and I feed her lunch.

2:10 p.m.
Change diaper, re-do the nap time routine, and put her back in the crib.

2:30 p.m.
Happy babbling noises from the monitor. Arghh!!!

I go in, realize she's pooped again, and have to change her. Oh yeah, that's another "factor" in the art of napping: poop. For some reason, if Abby has pooped at the beginning of the nap, she cannot fall asleep. It's all over. So I do our nap-time routine for the 3rd time and put her back in the crib.

2:40 p.m. 
More happy babbling noises. Double arghhh!!! (In reality, lots of cussing going on my head...)

I leave her in there for 1 hour, hearing my daughter joyfully talk to herself the entire time. It may sound mean, leaving her in there for so long by herself... But I promise, she was perfectly content. Today is actually the first time I've done it. Why? Because I was tired, hungry, needed a break, and still naively thought that she maybe, JUST MAYBE, would fall asleep if I left her in there to do nothing.

3:40 p.m.
I go upstairs, greet Abby with a, "Why haven't you slept all day?!" and get her out of the crib. We play "tea" with her stuffed animals, read storybooks, and I pretty much give up any hope for a nap. After all, now it's getting too late and will affect bedtime if I try any longer...

4:30 p.m.
As I predicted, TODDLER TERROR has arrived! I'm so frustrated that I decide to try -- just once more -- to put her down for a nap. I know, I know, I know she's tired. I just know.

4:35 p.m.
Fast asleep.
I'll deal with the consequences of an extra-late nap time later. For now, there's some peace.

Do you see the "Art of the Nap"?  It requires using in-the-moment instinct and judgement. It requires patience and anger management. It requires lots of prayer and hope. It's an undefined art that mothers practice daily. And until you've experienced it, you'll never know why one spends the entire afternoon perfecting the art until a nap is achieved. It's THAT worth it, believe me!

I guess in the end, I didn't have a No-Nap Day!
Excuse me now, as I settle into pure bliss... =)