Poop, Spit-up, Snot, & Tears

I haven’t written since announcing our second pregnancy. And now, I am proud to announce the arrival of our new son, Brayden Keawe Clevenger, who is almost 3 months old!

I have a great excuse for not writing. My time, energy, and heart have been pouring into sustaining the lives and spirits of two little creatures (and one big one, if you count Jaime). People ask what it’s like balancing a newborn and a toddler. Four words sum it up: POOP, SPIT-UP, SNOT, & TEARS. Yup, that’s right. My children’s bodily fluids have taken over my life.

Here’s a glimpse into the other night:

11:30 p.m.: Brayden wakes up. I change his diaper and nurse him back to sleep.

12:30 a.m.: Abby comes to our room crying. Jaime puts her back to bed.

12:50: Abby runs to our room crying again. I put her back to bed.

1:10: Brayden wakes up again and I’m able to briefly rock him back to sleep.

2:30: Brayden wakes up and I nurse him.

4:30: Brayden wakes up. I change him and it’s an explosive poop that gets everywhere – the changing pad, his clothes, his swaddle blanket, and me. I clean everything up. Then I nurse him back to sleep.

5:00: Abby comes to our room crying again,  for who knows what reason. Jaime puts her back to bed.

7:00 a.m.: Brayden wakes up and I briefly rock him back to sleep.

7:50 a.m.: Abby wakes up for the day.

8:00 a.m.: Brayden wakes up for the day.

If that doesn’t capture the sheer exhaustion I feel, how about this little account:

Jaime is out and I’m alone with the kids, getting ready to go to a birthday party. I change Brayden into a fresh new diaper and begin nursing him. Abby – who is all set to go to the party – comes running to the room with major snot hanging from her nose.

“Mommy, I need Kleenex!”

I direct her to a box of Kleenex on a shelf that’s a bit higher than she can reach. I’m trying to talk her through it while I nurse Brayden, but she’s about to fall. I unlatch Brayden and abruptly shift him into “burp” position so I can help Abby. He promptly spits up all over my brand new sweater and himself. I sigh, help Abby with wiping her nose, and sit back down to finish nursing.

“Kleenex!” More snot. I try quickly teaching Abby how to wipe her own nose, but her 2 year-old self doesn’t hear a word I say.

I’m about to finish nursing when I hear a huge poop explosion from Brayden. Great. I just changed him before nursing. So I begin changing him into a new diaper and a new onesie (since the other one had all that spit-up), when suddenly,

“Mommy! Ugh, Ugh!” More snot from Abby. More wiping.

I finish up with Brayden, then change into a new blouse for myself. I then start ushering us all downstairs to leave, when I smell something else funny. I check Abby’s diaper. Big poop. Great.

I tell her we need to change her diaper and she screams. Tantruming. Oh, and of course, more snot.

Brayden, meanwhile, is just laying on my bed, crying. I try to block out his little screams while I change Abby.

CONFESSION: I’m irritated beyond belief during this exchange (which in real time is only like 10-15 minutes), yell at Abby in the middle of it, and then apologize to her for my anger. I then feel guilty for yelling and allowing everything (e.g. bodily fluids) to “get to me.”

I somehow wrangle them both into the car (which is a whole other long chaotic story), and make it to the party, secretly pissed that Jaime wasn’t home to help me with any of this…

~

My former supervisor warned me that taking care of two children would not be twice as much work; it would be FOUR TIMES as much work. I didn’t believe her until now. Balancing the needs and desires of two little people has been the hardest job I’ve ever done, simply because it's often impossible to please both children simultaneously. And I’m a major people pleaser, so you can see how difficult this is for me (even if the people I’m trying to please are a 2 year-old and a 3 month-old!). If everybody is awake, one person is always crying – Abby, Brayden, or even me. I’m constantly multitasking  – at times having to choose between one child’s immediate need over the other child’s (and trusting that I made the right choice). I also have absolutely no control, which I HATE! Parenting two small children solidifies that truth – just in case I didn’t get it the first time around with Abby. I obviously didn’t, since I’m complaining about it right now. It’s always been a challenge for me to accept that I am, in fact, NOT Superwoman, and parenthood is no exception. I need to accept that I will never be a perfect mother – that being “good enough” is just fine. I'm sure this will be a lifelong struggle, so bear with me...

And to be honest, my children are more than “just fine.” They are both beautiful creatures, fearfully and wonderfully made. They bring so much joy to Jaime and me, and we are honored to witness and guide their growth and development. Just take a look! Despite my groans and moans, aren’t they just fabulous?!

This one captures their different personalities right now. No need to explain =)

So please join me in welcoming Brayden into our family. His presence has certainly created new challenges for us. But like any gift God bestows upon us, Brayden is special and beloved beyond description! And as we continue to adjust to this new family, I would appreciate prayers for me as I clean up those bodily fluids at 3 in the morning... =)